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"The Train Truth" by Chuck Payne
I recently made a remarkable discovery about life.
Life is like a train journey … on a magnificent train … full of fascinating wonders and alluring attractions … with
a breathtaking view.
But we get so comfortable in our seats we forget we're on a journey. The curious thing is that most of us keep our
windows shuttered. We don’t see the breathtaking view. It's so easy to believe that nothing exists outside the train. Some people even
believe that it simply evolved, by chance! Others admit that there must be an ingenious Engineer
behind all the wondrous engineering, but they insist that after making the train, he simply let it go off on its own. No one is in
control. We aren’t going anywhere.
Inside, we compete with each other for the best seats. Some of us even throw other people off the train just to get
their seats. Mothers throw their own babies off! And this is socially acceptable. Some are so unhappy that they throw themselves off. Others feel that old people should be thrown off to put them out of their misery.
Constantly comparing ourselves with one another, most of us spend our time trying to impress the other people on the train. We cling
fiercely to all our train-things knowing full well that everyone has to leave eventually without taking anything with them. How terrified
we are of leaving!
We have been convinced that to be happy we must get as much train money as possible so we can have security and
status or power and all the comforts of the train. We think that happiness is having wonderful
experiences. We don't seem happy to me. When we're not afraid of losing what we have, we're eager to acquire more, desperate to fill
the gnawing emptiness we feel inside. Self-gratification and intoxicating experiences only make us feel more empty afterward. We are often
worried or lonely or bored. We often upset ourselves over something or someone. We often make ourselves miserable because we view suffering
and detraining as great tragedies. And we accept all this as normal. We think that we can make
the train a better place to live through mere technological progress.
Yet the Engineer, God the Father, has sent his only Son, Jesus Christ, born of a
woman, to show his all-consuming love for us; to pay the price for our redemption—lost by our first parents; to show us how to find the Father
and eternal happiness with Him; to make it possible for us to find union with God beginning right here on the train; to offer us an eternal
Covenant through the Holy Spirit. This New Covenant is a sacramental oath of permanent unconditional union, modeled on the train by the
sacrament of marriage. Here alone lies true happiness. Happiness is union with God and with each other
in God.
Moreover, through the successive laying on of hands, Jesus consecrated an order of human conductors, under a head
conductor, to govern his train Family with the benevolent authority of the Father by the inspiration of the Holy Spirit. Through them God
provides us with spiritual oxygen and serves us spiritual food and drink for the journey, the holy sacraments. He has appointed the
conductors, in his place, to answer our travel questions, to guide us, and to prepare us for
detraining, even to forgiving sins. They have explained exactly what the journey is all about, both by living his Word, passing it on from
person to person, and by writing it down in a powerful Guidebook which has God as its primary author. For the sake of Family unity, Jesus
gave the order of conductors alone his authority to authentically interpret both the Guidebook and the living Tradition from which it
flowed.
Unfortunately, because a few of the conductors have abused their divine
appointments—“lording it over” the passengers—many of the followers of Jesus protest against all
of them, rejecting their authority as man-made. They insist that the Guidebook alone is sufficient authority, although it makes no such
claim, and that each individual must interpret it for themselves. They appoint their own conductors and keep them under their control.
Following gifted leaders who profess a special understanding of the Guidebook, they form protest groups that enjoy a certain though
imperfect communion with the Family. There were over 27,000 at last count.
The members of these groups generally consider Family sacraments merely symbolic. Because God’s promises are certain, not a few of them presume that they can know for certain
that they are “saved” once they accept Jesus as their personal savior. I have heard some of them say, “It doesn’t really matter what group
you belong to as long as you accept Jesus.” The purpose of the groups is to provide mutual support of like minded people and wonderful
human fellowship based on belief in Jesus. This is very good. But, it’s not enough.
Most of the passengers never bother to read the Guidebook. Strongly influenced by the train media, they put more
trust in what is socially acceptable. On the other hand, some boast about their knowledge of it—even to the point of healing others in the
name of Jesus—but they don't do what it says!
I became a member of God’s Family through the holy sacrament of baptism shortly after boarding. God has given me
boundless blessings ever since, most especially through his faithful conductors but also through the long line of Family witnesses to the
truth about the train.I have read the Guidebook many times, but now, with God’s grace, I decide that I am going to do what it says! The
first step it suggests is very simple, a seven year old child could understand it: “Don't worry about train-things, just open your shutters!” It seems so obvious to me now. It was right there in front of me all along, but I
hadn’t seen it. I open my shutters.
Incredibly, the more I clean my window (human reason purified by faith), the more I can see the most gorgeous view
imaginable! Spiritual reality. Material reality is as nothing in comparison, yet now I see
everything by this marvelous light. It becomes ever more illuminating as my journey progresses. What a marvelous difference there is
between knowing God personally, through his Son Jesus Christ, and merely knowing about God! I
can make out his dazzling Mystical City where all boredom and emptiness are banished because there is no end to his infinite
wonders.
I am utterly amazed at the passengers as they leave the train. Putting their trust in God (hope), many have given
their enthusiastic “yes” to his marriage covenant. Through baptism God has given them the ability to grow beautiful spiritual wings. One
wing consists of receiving his Word (faith), the other of living it (love). A wonderful variety of size and color fills the sky as they
soar with unspeakable joy to the Mystical City of God!
Those with soiled, unequal wings can only fly in circles and have to be led by their angels to a temporary place of
adjustment. Although it is terribly painful, they are full of unimaginable joy and gratitude, understanding fully the value of their
suffering, and knowing with certainty that they will eventually be able to fly to the
City.
It is saddening to watch those whose wings are too mediocre to fly, or
those with no wings. They plunge with vile curses into the eternal abyss below. I am particularly moved by the shocked expressions of those
with only one wing; their cries of “Lord, Lord, did we not do marvelous things in your name?”
fade into the darkness.
How grateful I am that I opened my shutters in time. The “train” truth has
set me free. Now I see that all the wonders and attractions of the train are designed to tell us something about God and his eternal
delights! Suddenly suffering and sacrifice for his sake are reasons for great rejoicing. They give us wings! What we do on the train is so
much more important and exciting than I ever imagined. I see clearly that the only true tragedy
is deliberate, unrepented sin—the refusal to love God—because it removes our wings. How blessed is the one who sees this, no matter what
train-things they have, how miserable the one who doesn't, even if they possess the whole train!
We don't want the “train” truth. We prefer gratification now in the form of pleasure, prestige or power. We go through the entire journey without ever opening our
shutters! How many of us live as if there is no God! As if nothing exists outside the train. As
if the journey never ends. As if the Guidebook is just the fabrication of wishful thinkers.
Sadly, we don't even enjoy the journey. What a mess we get ourselves into. We're so fiercely attached to our
self-reliance, we won't admit we need help. We blind ourselves to our misery and settle for temporary, counterfeit happiness.
It doesn’t help to argue. Mark Twain once advised: “Don't try to teach a pig to sing. On the one hand, it wastes
your time. On the other, it irritates the pig!” Having personally experienced the breathtaking
view, I can’t help telling everyone about it. If they see it, wonderful. If they won't, why “irritate the pig?” It only pushes them further
away. I can only pray with all my heart that they develop their spiritual wings before leaving the train. Frequently a frightening crisis
or the fear of detraining brings remorse.
THE
SHUTTERS
What are these shutters that block out the “train” truth? Where do they come from? They weren't put there by
God.
The shutters are our attachments to train-things.
This is what I mean by attachment: we are attached to something when we convince ourselves that we must have it to be happy. We turn the marvelous means God has
given us for discovering him and his eternal delights, into ends in themselves! We put our hope
for happiness, not in his promises, but in lust for the things he created for us, in passing pleasures that only decrease us. The train
promises rewards that are temporal and insignificant, and we pursue these with great longing; he promises rewards that are eternal and
unsurpassable, yet our hearts respond sluggishly. Why? Because we base our lives on counterfeit
truth!
Some of our fundamental convictions are very seductive counterfeits designed by the father of lies, about whom the
Guidebook often warns us. He disguises himself as an angel of light. It only takes one drop of poison to make a glass of water lethal. We
will see that he typically seduces us with selective truth poisoned by one crucial lie, and with partial truth that gradually weakens us by
depriving us of spiritual nourishment. His cunning counterfeits are the smelly stuff. We just accept them as normal, then we blame God for
the consequences! It doesn't matter how logical our conclusions are, if we begin with a lie, all our logical conclusions are lies! Why
begin with a lie? We desperately need to let go of
them. It's never too late to make up for lost time.
It's a lie to think that our happiness depends on having anything! Think
about it. When I am convinced that to be happy I must have, let's say Susie, what happens? I
become possessive of Susie! This makes me fearful of losing her and threatened by her other relationships. I'll do anything to keep her
because, in my mind, I can't be happy without Susie. Does that sound like happiness?! This puts
a heavy burden on Susie. I make her responsible for my happiness. Does that sound like love? Doesn't “I am in love with you” too often mean “I want you for
me”? If I want you for me, then of course I expect you to change, to be what I want. Is that love?
Why are we so frequently upset with each other? Attachments! We are upset
only when someone or some thing interferes with one of our attachments. People and things don't upset us. We upset ourselves! A man
interferes with my attachment. Why upset myself? Why give myself heartburn because he misbehaves? Why give him control?
They tell us we’re supposed to get upset when we are wronged, that if we don't get upset we won't act. More lies.
When we’re free from uncontrolled rage and the desire to get even, which only blind us, how much
more effective we can be in correcting wrong, with controlled anger acting out of love. There is
nothing right or wrong about the emotions of anger or of hatred, only in what we decide to do with them. It is right to hate evil, it is
wrong to hate people. It takes strength not to be silent when we should speak and not to speak when we should be silent. The other way
around is easy. It takes strength to be gentle. It’s easy to be harsh. When tough love requires us to oppose evil in someone, it's not
something we do to them, but something we do for
them, and for those around them. Obviously, we can’t develop such strength overnight, but we can gradually develop this rational way of
thinking that has a profound influence on our emotional control.
Even for those of us who need professional help to rid ourselves of the subconscious anger and fear left over from
childhood—making us turn to things to satisfy our emotional needs instead of healthy relationships—the first step is letting go. We have to
let go of our fierce attachment to childish defense systems and admit that we need help. Our own will power is simply not
enough.
How do we open our shutters? How do we let go of these attachments that only make us miserable? We don't have to
do anything! We just have to see something. A lion
cub raised by sheep thought he was a sheep. One day a mature lion jumped into the sheepfold with a ferocious roar. Upon seeing the young
lion act like a sheep, he led him to a lake nearby. The instant the youngster saw his reflection in the water, he was a mighty lion ever
after. He didn't have to do anything. He just had to see something.
To open our shutters, we have to see the lies. We have to see that true
happiness is not a matter of feeling wonderful or even of freedom from suffering, but of abiding peace and joy no matter how we feel. We have to see that our happiness doesn’t depend on having anything! It’s only when we let go of having that we can enjoy what we have!
Letting go of attachments is not the same as being emotionally detached,
that is, being indifferent, uncaring and unfeeling, afraid to be vulnerable. These things are self-protective defenses. Signs of brokenness
and fear. Counterfeit strength. They only isolate us. On the other hand, when we let go of our self-centered attachments, we are able to be
more caring and feeling, and to find strength in vulnerability, because only then can we be other-centered.
If I have Susie, wonderful. I enjoy her immensely. If I don’t, although I feel her loss deeply, I’m also happy.
My happiness doesn’t depend on having Susie. It’s only when I let go of Susie that I am free to
love her. Without conditions. No fear. Now I can be concerned about her because I’m not absorbed in myself. Now she is free! No heavy burden. We cannot love anyone to the degree that we are selfishly attached to
them.
I cannot love Susie, moreover, if I am attached to how I want her to be, if I can’t be happy unless she changes.
We're not on the train to control people—or to keep them co-dependent on us—we’re here to love
them just the way they are. If I’m unhappy with our relationship—assuming that it should be
prudently continued—I’m the one who needs to change! I need to let go of my attachment. Then I
will be encouraged by taking responsibility for my own weaknesses. I sincerely desire Susie to grow and I’m happy if she does. If she
doesn’t, I’m also happy. My happiness doesn’t depend on the way Susie is. This allows me to suffer her weaknesses and see through her
self-protective defenses. How easy it becomes to forgive her. Her vulnerability only draws me closer. Now I can sincerely value her
positive qualities and make the patient effort to create an atmosphere of affirmation. Positive confrontation is now possible. Ironically,
it’s only when I let go of her changing that I can help her change.
Freedom from attachment does marvels for loneliness. Once I see that I don’t have to have someone for myself, I can
be alone, but never lonely! We try to use sex as a cure for loneliness. Sex is such a powerful force we easily become attached to it. We
think we can’t be happy without sex. We put our hope for happiness in lust. It doesn’t work because it’s a lie. Sex as an expression of
married relationship is marvelously fulfilling but as end in itself it’s very destructive. Sex is for mutual self-giving, not mutual self-seeking. It’s not just for having a
wonderful experience, but also for wonderfully expressing, through body language, the irrevocable choice in the wills of the spouses, a
renewal of their marriage covenant. God designed sexual acts to both signify indissoluble unity and to bring it about. He even allows
married couples to cooperate with his creative power: their love can be personified by another
little passenger! When we engage in sex of any kind outside of God’s natural plan, we tell a devastating lie with our bodies. Wanting to do
it right is not enough, we can only control our passions by cooperating with him.
WE
NEED TO LOVE
Opening my shutters and seeing the incredible view make it possible for me to love
and even to passionately want to love. It doesn't make
me love. I soon realize that even though this exciting discovery is very powerful, it is dangerous if I fail to see that it's not enough by
itself. I can't simply stand here at my window all day and praise God—even if he uses me to perform miracles in his name. I can't excuse
myself from hard work and suffering simply because I believe. With his cooperation, I still have to
choose to begin making the sacrifices of love. Having received his Word, I must live it. Otherwise I have only one wing, which is useless by
itself. Faith without love is not really faith.
It’s not what we have that gives us our worth, it’s what we are. That’s the ticket. No one can take it from us. It’s the only thing we take with us when we leave.
Not what we are outside: our physical appearance, health, intelligence, human abilities,
external personality—how little control we have over these things—but what we are inside. That’s
our true beauty. Where our heart and mind are. Hearing his Word and living it. Our spiritual wedding wings. God alone can judge us, because
he alone can see inside.
Thinking that our worth depends on what we have leads us to compare ourselves with one another. This only causes
competition, envy and worry. And ultimately hatred, which destroys us. It’s a primary source of our unhappiness! Yet the media bombards us
with such comparisons until we take for granted that those who have more are worth more.
Advertisers constantly feed us the lie that happiness is getting other people to love us. We like to hear “I want
you for me” because we have been convinced that happiness depends on being accepted, being approved, being affirmed. As if our worth
depended on what other people think. That’s the biggest lie of all! Certainly we need to be loved and to get our emotional needs met. But
being loved is not enough.
Insofar as we felt unloved as children, we all ended up “broken” as adults, controlled to some degree by
subconscious anger and fear. We assume therefore that to be “fixed” we need to seek to be loved. But seeking to be loved can keep us from
loving. If my concern is whether I’m loved by you, my concern isn’t you. Insofar as we feel unloved, that we feel we must be more loved to
be happy, aren’t we still broken? Seeking to be loved can control us. That’s not what we need. We need both to be loved and to
love.
Self-sacrificing love is its own reward, a reward that is boundless! Here and now. We don’t have to wait until we
make something of ourselves. God has already made something of us. We are of incomparable worth!
In his awesome image. Why then compare ourselves with one another? That only leads to pride, which makes us slaves of hatred. Rather, let
us compare ourselves with Jesus, Mary and Joseph. That leads to humility. Humility is truth, and the truth sets us free … to love!
Love has to be based on truth. If we knew all there was to know about any person, we would have to love them. That’s
how God loves. We have a tendency to confuse love with sentimentality, with warm fuzzy feelings. When they go away, we go away. That’s not
the essence of love. Love is commitment to another no matter how we feel. It’s a decision, an
act of the will, a generous willingness to sacrifice oneself for the beloved. It doesn’t just happen automatically when we meet the “right”
person. Love takes hard work. It has to be purified of selfishness. That costs. There’s no such thing as free-love.
Because we can’t have warm fuzzy feelings for everyone, we think it is unreasonable to love more than a chosen few.
If love were like time or money, we would only have so much to give. But once we’ve learned to love,
it’s like fire! It increases as we give it away allowing us to give all of our love to everyone!
We need to be humble enough to love everyone without exception. To forgive without limit—how can we expect to be forgiven if we do not forgive? We need to be
just as gracious toward the little ones as we are toward the great ones, whether or not we can respect what they do, even when they are
repulsive to us. Otherwise, we don’t love anyone, including ourselves.
Think about it. If we don’t love everyone, how do we determine whom we are going to love? We have to be proud enough to judge for ourselves who is worthy of love! We thereby
place ourselves above them. Is that love? Or is that a mockery of love? If we love only those
who love us, we only have counterfeit love in our hearts. As unreasonable as it sounds, we need to love our enemies, all those who bother us. We need to do good to those who harm us, to pray for those who
persecute us. Otherwise, we don't believe in love, only sentimentality, which costs
nothing.
Which do you think is more miserable, to have no beans in the pot, or to have no love in the heart? Look around the
train. You can see abiding peace and joy on the strong gentle faces of John Paul II and Mother Teresa—two passengers on fire with love for
everyone. They are merely typical of the long line of Family witnesses to the truth.
If we wash away the smelly lies, and look through our window, we will see far
beyond appearances. Instead of a rude person we will see a frightened person, someone who needs a little kindness. Instead of an unlovable person of little worth we will see an unloved person of
incomparable worth! Instead of one who interferes with our happiness we will see an opportunity for
true happiness, an opportunity to love! When we know the full truth about someone, how easy it is to
forgive. We'll then be willing to suffer without the desire to get even. Rather than seeking to put others down, we will take delight in
bringing out the best in them. What joy we will experience in sharing. If a man steals our coat,
we'll be happy to offer him our shirt. We need to love him more than we need our
shirt!!
To be “fixed” we must come to know in the depths of our emotional life,
through being loved by others, that we are loved by
the Infinite One who made us! Beyond all imagination. That he first loves us, while we are yet sinners! That he loves each of us without
exception, just as we are, as though we are the only one! Like the sun, he gives all of his love
to each one. (If this were not true, who of us would have any hope?) And knowing this, that we love him in return, that we make him our
first priority, spending time with him in prayer. Not in fear, but in joyful awe. Not as a harsh
master, but as our loving Father. Not as an exacting tyrant, but as a lamb slain for love. How can we know this? He has sworn us an Oath.
He has given us his Word. He has proved it, personally. It's all right there in the
Guidebook.
OUR
STORY
The Guidebook reveals that God is three divine persons in one infinite being, the Father, the Son and the Holy
Spirit. Out of love, he made the radiant spiritual creatures we call angels and, before they could see him in his fullness, invited them to
share his divine life through obedience to the law of love. By reason alone, lower creatures must serve higher ones. But, after revealing
his plan to create human beings, God commanded the opposite. Those with higher natures must serve the lower ones. This being so, the
greatest of the angels by nature refused to believe in love. The cost was “unreasonable” to him. He then pulled one third of the others
down with him in rebellious disobedience. He is the father of lies.
God then created a glorious train—the material world governed by time—to offer us the opportunity of choosing life
with him. He created Adam and Eve in his own image, with the power to grow spiritual wings that make union with him possible. Their reason
and emotions were in perfect harmony. He stooped down to their littleness so they could talk with him easily. This was the original nature
of man. God gave them complete dominion over the train. The father of lies, however, seduced Eve with his cunning manipulation of the truth
and she seduced Adam. Through disobedience they turned the train over to the dominion of the liar who makes evil appear attractive. From
that day, they lost their ability to grow wings and to pass it on to their children. That’s why we all come aboard with a “fallen”
nature.
But God so loved us that he promised a restorer. He foretold that he
would make the Woman and her family the mortal enemies of the father of lies and his “family.” Over time, God prepared the way for the
Woman by setting apart a chosen family—with conductors of old. They started the Guidebook. God swore an Oath, the Old Covenant, that he
would free them from their enemies and bless all people through them. Speaking from a burning bush that was not consumed by the fire, he
told them his name: “I AM WHO AM.” He also gave them the marvelous gift of the ten commandments to teach them right order.
Then, in the fullness of time, the promised Woman, the ever virgin Mary, the created Immaculate Conception who alone
was a worthy dwelling place for God on the train, freely gave herself in marriage to the Holy Spirit. Their union is more than the love of
two beings. St. Maximilian Kolbe points out that “in one there is all the love of the Blessed Trinity; in the other, all of creation's
love.” With her “yes”—given on behalf of all her children—the fullness of eternal love joined with
the fullness of created love and this union between God and man took flesh in her womb!! She and her virginal husband, Joseph, named
him Jesus. He is both the Son of God and the Son of Man, the new Adam. She is the new Eve, our true mother, who cooperated with her Son in
perfect obedience.
For thirty years Jesus lived a hidden life in the bosom of his earthly family, subject to two of his creatures. Then
he chose twelve ordinary men to be the conductors of a new order and revealed the fullness of truth to them in word and in deed. Faithfully
obeying God’s law of love, he came to serve, not to be served. Yet his supernatural powers left no doubt that he was indeed the Son of
God.
On the night he was betrayed, his “unreasonable” love invented an ingenious way of remaining with us physically as
the Bread of Life and the Cup of Salvation. He gave the conductors alone the power to consecrate the Holy Eucharist as a memorial of his
passion. Then, overcoming his natural fear for suffering and detraining, he proved the depths of his love and willingly sacrificed himself
for every passenger as though they were the only one. In supreme obedience, he paid the terrible price for our disobedience, making it
possible for infinite justice to be infinitely merciful.
One of the twelve betrayed him to his enemies who severely tortured him and nailed him to the wood of a cross. His
sorrowful mother stood by him, joining her “yes” with his “yes.” He then gave her to us through his beloved disciple, John. Before they
threw Jesus off the train, he asked his Father to forgive them. He didn't have anything. The
fury of their diabolic rage left him with no physical attractiveness. Never will our thanks be filled with as much love and joy as he had
in suffering to save us!
On the third day, Jesus returned glorified, completing the manifestation
of his divinity. He is the sacrament of God, the New Covenant, God's solemn Oath that he will give the power to grow spiritual wedding
wings to anyone who joins his Family by baptism, and if they cooperate with his grace by embracing the cross of love, on the last day he
will remake their lowly body according to the pattern of his glorified body.
He remained with them for forty days, preparing them for their mission. He appointed Peter to be the first head
conductor, the visible basis of unity for his new Family, and promised that the father of lies would not prevail against it. He placed the
conductors and their successors in care of it as servants, with his authority, even to forgiving sins, assuring them that whatever they bind on the train
will be bound in the City. He entrusted to them alone the task of preserving the fullness of truth he had revealed.
He then promised to send the Holy Spirit to guide us infallibly, to lavish miraculous gifts on various members for
the common good, and to comfort and sustain us, until he comes again in glory as our final judge. Then we will hear him say, “In truth I
tell you, in so far as you did this to one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did it to me.” Leaving his mother behind—by her
choice—to nurse the Family through its infancy, he ascended directly through the roof …
He proved that God is love, beyond a
reasonable doubt.
PASSING THROUGH THE TUNNEL
Sometimes it feels as if the train is out of control passing through a dark tunnel. It is frightening how people are
removed apparently at random. Our journey seems utterly hopeless and depressing. At the heart of
this mess is a lie about truth. If truth is simply a matter of opinion, we decide for ourselves what is right or wrong. If this is
true, any absolute moral authority interferes with our freedom. The unnatural conclusion is that we’ll be happier if we break God’s
commandments. Our only hope for happiness then lies in what the train has to offer: passing pleasures. Experience shows that it’s only a
matter of time before that gets depressing.
On the other hand, if we can come to see that it is truth which judges man, not the other way around, the natural
conclusion is that freedom means cooperating with truth which gives us our value. “The truth will set you free.” Truth is from God. It
makes sense to let him teach us right order—both through the natural law he has designed into the train and by his direct revelation
entrusted to his visible Family. We then place our hope for happiness in the authority of our loving Father. There is no true misery for us
because we have a remedy: his Son, Jesus Christ, who is the light at the end of the tunnel, giving us the Holy Spirit.
Because he gives us free will and then “hides” from us, we think we are independent. In reality we are totally
dependent on the source of our being. He is not an object, out there, whom we can take or leave. We are in him. A watchmaker can let go of his watches because he makes them from pre-existing materials. If God
chose to let go of us we would cease to exist because he creates us from nothing, holding us in existence by his “thought.” He is in
absolute control—nothing happens by itself—but he respects our free will even to the point of letting us kill his Son! He never forces himself on us. “What merit would there be in loving me after you had seen me?” he asks.
That’s why he “hides” from us. That’s why he made the train.
That's why we must ask for his help. “Act toward me as though I were
shy,” he says, “you take the first step.” A small thing, but essential. If we pray, we will be saved. If we don’t, we won’t. He told us:
“Ask and you will receive, seek and you will find, knock and it will be opened to you.” The Cure of Ars describes prayer so touchingly:
“This is the glorious duty of man: to pray and to love. If you pray and love, that is where a man’s happiness lies. Prayer is nothing else
but union with God. This union of God with a tiny creature is a lovely thing. It is a happiness beyond all understanding.”
Prayer is not magic. We can't control God. But when we speak to the Son—who is like us in every way but sin—he takes
our sincere requests to the Father by his Spirit of love. When he doesn’t give us what we hoped for, he gives us something even better. He
is always good enough to answer. Not to satisfy our attachments, but to help us get rid of them! Not to keep us covered with smelly stuff, but to help us get it off!
Let us put our hope in God with the simple trust and obedience of a little child, for it is only to such as these
that he reveals his secrets. Since we can’t digest them all at once, he feeds us gradually. Because his mysteries are far beyond the grasp
of human reason, we can’t see them without the unmerited gift of faith. There is no opposition between faith and reason. God's grace, the
breath of the Spirit, by which we share in his life, frees natural reason. We can only see the fullness of truth—spiritual reality—when our
reason is purified by faith, when we have a clean window. Then we can see how reasonable faith is. This makes more sense than thinking: “I
must understand before I will believe.”
If our “faith” is that human reason is the sole measure of truth, we place reason above its source!! Is that
reasonable? This mother of all lies—our mother Eve was its first human victim—makes us our own
god. We then attribute to ourselves what has been given to us. Our logical conclusion is that the cost of love is unreasonable—only a fool
would love his enemies—and we end by not believing in love. This great lie then blocks our window and imprisons us inside, making it
impossible to progress in virtue. Instead of growing in faith, we can only grow in pride
(self-reliance). Instead of growing in hope, we can only grow in lust (self-gratification).
Worst of all, instead of growing in love, we can only grow in avarice (valuing things above
people). For justice we substitute envy, for fortitude, sloth, for temperance, gluttony, and for prudence, anger.
The father of lies is God's greatest creature by nature. That's his “glory” and it drives him to compare himself
with everyone else. This is the source of his consummate hatred. He is infuriated that we puny creatures have been offered the ability to
grow spiritual wings, to have a higher place in the final order than he. He seeks to prevent this at all costs, to keep us under his eternal dominion based on his natural powers that far surpass ours.
WHAT ABOUT SUFFERING?
Adam and Eve freely turned the train over to the dominion of the liar and it has
brought us untold suffering ever since. How can a good God allow so much suffering? “If I had another way of bringing you closer to me than
suffering,” Jesus answers, “I would choose it. … You may be sure that human nature cannot love suffering for itself, my human nature didn't
love it either.” When your heart is full, suffering for his sake only increases your joy! It gives you wings! What joy there is in sacrificing
yourself for your beloved. Even on the purely natural level, the greatest joy in life is not in being comfortable but in giving yourself to
something truly worthwhile. On the other hand, if lies have hardened your heart, suffering will only make it harder. “If any man would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me.
For whoever would save his life will lose it; and whoever loses his life for my sake, he will save it” (Lk. 9:23-24).
Suffering is unavoidable; misery—and therefore joy—is a choice. Living by
lies has brought much misery to the train. We are beset by constant trouble, temptation and sin. Can you see the great Wisdom here? What if
everything were perfect? What if there were no suffering or temptation? How then could we do anything heroic? What if everyone were easy to
love? Would that be better? What worth would love have, if it cost nothing?
As “unreasonable” as it seems, it’s not enough to simply tolerate
suffering, we need to embrace it during the short time we are on the train. Not only does it
purify love, freeing us from selfishness, but it also has great value for the entire Family. Jesus didn’t come to save us from suffering,
but to make suffering saving. He has redeemed human suffering, giving it deep meaning. By allowing us to enter into his suffering, he makes
us co-redeemers with him.
Just before Padre Pio left the train in 1968, after suffering the pulsating pain of the mystical wounds of Jesus in
his hands, feet and side for fifty years, he revealed that he would gladly suffer another fifty years for his brothers and sisters. “When
the love of the cross sinks deep into a person, they live in a joy that the world can never know. For the world has only pleasures, but joy
belongs to me and mine.”
When we see the infinitely fascinating one in all his fullness, what joy will be ours if we have denied ourselves to
please him! “What you do for yourself will perish miserably, what you do for others will echo throughout eternity.” The all-joyous ones
envy our opportunity for gathering such eternal treasure! If we serve him first, he guarantees us fulfillment beginning on the train beyond our dreams. Pressed down, shaken
together and flowing over. “Never serve yourself before me,” he pledges, “and you will find that it is I who serve you.” We cannot outdo
him in generosity. This is freedom beyond measure.
Unattached to how we think things should be, we need to let go of our unjustified anger toward God—no matter how
long it takes—and leave everything in his all-powerful care, letting him be our Lord. On the one hand, he is a lot smarter than we are, on
the other, he has proved his love beyond a reasonable doubt. His will is always in our best
interests. How easy is his yoke. His yoke is love! Let us accept with love all that he sends us, knowing with certainty that everything
from him is a blessing. Then things will always work out for the best, no matter how bad they look. How often our cruel disappointments
turn out to be great blessings. If he asks us to sacrifice one thing, not only is that a greater blessing, there are countless others. What
peace and joy will be ours. A peace and joy that he alone can give. Rather than clinging fiercely to the train, we will soon long for our
meeting with him outside. The acceptance of detraining for his sake is the greatest act of love a creature can give its Creator. Thank you
my Lord, for the train!
“SELF-FILL-MENT”
We settle for self-fulfillment on the train, striving to become better human beings and working to make the train a
better place to live. We do volunteer work because it makes us feel good. We even go to church for the same reason. We make great
sacrifices for our family and friends. And we think that this is enough. These are all good things, but as long as the emphasis is on what
we do, even on what we do for God, it leaves him out, or at best relegates him to helping us get
what we want. We create for ourselves a more comfortable Jesus who didn’t really have to suffer, a good human being suitable for imitation.
Yet we can’t escape the feeling that in the end he was a fool for paying the unreasonable cost of love.
We're convinced that we can solve our own problems. In any case, there's nothing a
good therapist can't “fix.” Therapy can be good, but can a therapist give us wings? It's not enough to do right things. We must do the right
things for the right reasons. Otherwise we only have one wing. Not much use for flying. Love without
faith is not really love.
By design, the train cannot deliver what we need. It only provides the opportunity. God offers us his divine life,
having given us the power to accept it as an essential part of our nature. He made us with a supernatural hole. It is natural for us to be united with him. Our minds are designed for truth and our
hearts for responding to it. He doesn’t want to leave us empty and indifferent, in the desireless bliss of nirvana. He has made us for
himself and he alone can fill us. Without him we are nothing! We would die of terror if we could see our nothingness. We cannot fill the inexhaustible emptiness at the center of our being. “Self-fill-ment” only leaves us
empty, because we are made from nothing! Invariably we end up asking ourselves, “Is that all there is?”
God did not create us simply to be good human beings through our own efforts, to give glory to ourselves. He created
us to communicate his glory to us. He alone can give glory, because he alone “IS.” That's the reality we must accept. If we choose to leave
him out, he will not force himself on us. The eternal abyss is simply all the horrible consequences of leaving him out, prefigured well
enough here on the train! The Father invites us to join his Family to the very last moment, calling us to be his children, sharers in his
divine life. His Son is not just asking us for a personal relationship, he is asking us to marry
him!! Marriage is not just the wedding day. Our response is to join with our mother in a never-ending “yes,” to be one with him in all
our actions by the power of the Holy Spirit. All of us together. Always oneness. Never he alone. Never we alone. Total cooperation. He is
asking for all of our love which we can then give to everyone else for love of him. As he loves
us while we are yet sinners, so we must love others while they are yet enemies.
THE
MYSTERIES OF GOD
The mysteries of God are fathomless, but they are not something about which we can't know anything, they are something about which we can't know everything. We have all eternity to delve ever more deeply into them, beginning now. “Be in love with
mysteries,” Jesus urges, “they are there to prove your childlike trust in the Father.”
God has gradually revealed that within the Most Holy Trinity there exist two equal but very different and distinct
orders. The Father is the eternal source of the order of truth, personified by the Son, and the
Father and the Son are the eternal source of the order of love, personified by the Holy Spirit,
the eternal source of unity. Because these two orders are in perfect eternal balance, the three divine Persons are in perfect eternal
harmony and indissoluble unity. Unlike human persons who have conflicting minds and wills, the three divine Persons are of one mind and one
will and they love each other as one in eternal self-donation. Each one completely fills the other two! This is symbolized by the number
333. What each one does, the whole God does.
He made us in his image. The order of truth is imaged in us by the intellect and by masculinity (primarily
rational). The order of love is imaged in us by the will and by femininity (primarily relational). The Father is imaged in us by the
memory, which enables us to think and to choose. In our original natural state, hearing his word and living it—growing wings—was natural.
These two orders were in perfect harmony. Now when they are out of balance, either within ourselves, or in our relationships with others,
all hell breaks loose, literally.
In God’s plan for marriage, the husband as the head of the family has primacy in the order of truth. The wife as the
heart of the family has primacy in the order of love. God designed them to perfectly complement one another, as a reflection of the inner
life of the Holy Trinity.
Because Jesus is both fully God and fully man, he joins us with God! On
the train, we can never understand the “com-penetration” of Jesus Christ in each person. He is God in man. He not only excuses the sins we confide to him, he takes them upon himself to obtain the Father’s
pardon. As eternal truth, he is our essential food, our fuel.
The Holy Spirit, on the other hand, as eternal love, is like the air we breathe. Fuel cannot burn without oxygen.
Neither can oxygen do much without fuel. We need both in harmony. After Jesus ascended into
heaven, even though the disciples had been filled with eternal truth—they ate his body and drank his blood—they remained behind closed
doors. Then on the day of Pentecost, the oxygen of eternal love combined with the fuel of eternal truth and set them on fire. “Suddenly they heard what sounded like a powerful wind
from heaven … and something appeared to them that seemed like tongues of fire … these came to
rest on the head of each of them.” Like the burning bush, they were not consumed by the fire.
God created us male and female and he uses this “language” to tell us about himself. The Father is the eternal
source of our being, our protector and provider. Every little child tells us about our relationship with him. The Holy Spirit is the womb
of God wherein we are nourished, comforted and empowered. We are more dependent on God than a baby in the womb.
Males tend to be quickly aroused by females in general, whereas females tend to be more gradually aroused by a
particular male. Once aroused, they dream of “him.” They long to be filled by him and romantically involved with him for life. Jesus Christ
came as a male. He is always ready to fill our emptiness and, because he is God, he can have a marriage covenant with all of us. We, on the other hand, though we take our time coming around, can only be filled by “him.” We
are all “female” in our relationship with Christ! Indeed, he calls himself our Bridegroom. Those who consecrate themselves to him in
virginity—married only to him—are radical signs of how we will all be in the Mystical City of God. What inspiring witnesses they have
been!
Males have difficulty relating to God when, failing to see this, they try to relate to him only as a male, making
him a rival, a threat to their self-sufficiency. They then see religion as weakness, something for women. More lies. That's not what
maleness is for! Beginning with Jesus, followed by Joseph, strong dependable maleness is a powerful sign of what our God is for us: Father,
Lover and Brother. And beginning with Mary, every female is not only a beautiful sign of the womb of God, the Comforter, but also of how we
all should relate to our Bridegroom. “Do you know what goodness is?” he asks, “Goodness is my mother. And every woman is a little of my
mother.”
THE
HOLY FAMILY
The Holy Family—Jesus, Mary and Joseph—is a marvelous trinity of love who humanly manifested the divine Trinity for
us. Joseph is a true reflection of the Father. He gives us the living experience of a loving,
rock-solid father in an age when fatherhood too often causes feelings of anger, pain and abandonment. Jesus is the Son made Flesh. And Mary is a perfect reflection
of the Holy Spirit, the eternal uncreated Immaculate Conception, the source of unity both in God and in his Family.
While on the train, Jesus gave us everything, even his own mother. The love between them was so tender that they
two, as it were, saved us with only one heart. He could not have humanly endured his passion without her human support. He has joined her
inseparably with his saving work and as our mother allows her to participate uniquely in his one and only mediation, not by necessity but by divine choice. Jesus chose to come to us through Mary and it is his will that we
go to him through her. Because his redemption is universal, so too is her motherhood.
“The Spirit and the bride say ‘come.’” She is the willing instrument of her spouse, the Holy Spirit, similar to the
manner in which the humanity of Jesus is the instrument of his divinity. Like food and oxygen, the roles of Jesus and Mary in our lives are
entirely complementary. His humanity in union with his divinity is the head of the Mystical Body and its food. She in union with the Holy
Spirit is its heart. The function of the heart is to distribute the oxygenated blood of Jesus to all the cells of the Body. This makes
internal combustion possible, setting us on fire. She in turn gathers all of created love—all our hearts’ desires—and brings it to all of
eternal love. There is no time with God. Her “yes” to him in Nazareth is the “yes” of all humanity. By consecrating ourselves to the
Immaculate Heart of Mary, we can participate in the union between God and man that took flesh in her womb!! With her we can then say, “It
is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me.”
Love of Mary must be based on the truth about Mary. As our mother, she is unique, the only one who perfectly fulfilled what God had in mind when
he made her. She is the perfect model of what it means to belong to Christ. Her Immaculate Conception shows us the power of baptism. Her
bodily Assumption and crowning show us what we can ultimately expect by following her Son. He is the way. She shows the way. She goes
first, to draw her children to God. In her words: “My soul proclaims the greatness of the Lord, my spirit rejoices in God my savior for he
has looked with favor on his lowly servant. From this day all generations will call me blessed: the Almighty has done great things for me,
and holy is his name.”
If God is symbolized by 333, he who would place himself above God is symbolized by 666, the Antichrist. The Holy
Spirit mediates all relationships, Satan is the absolute destroyer of all relationships, both within and without. God made the Woman his
mortal enemy. Empowered by her Son she crushed his head because with all his superior natural power he was unable to seduce her in the
slightest detail. “She was given a huge pair of eagle’s wings to fly away from the serpent.” The wings are hearing God’s Word and living
it. The serpent tries to drown her out by vomiting forth a torrent of lies about her. He tries to convince us that Mary is somehow a rival
of her Son. If he wins us in this, he wins everything. But she says that her Immaculate Heart will soon triumph.
THE
FAMILY OF GOD
There is nothing greater nor more precious nor more excellent than the spotless
Family of God—the mystical extension of the Holy Family—if not the splendor of the Blessed Trinity that enfolds and illumines everything
belonging to it. This is our family. This is where we belong. Joseph is truly our father, Mary is truly our mother, and Jesus is truly our
brother. Salvation outside the Family makes no sense; being outside is precisely what we need saving
from!
Like Jesus himself, his Family is fully human and fully divine. Just as we are easily put off by each other when we
judge only by outward appearances, so we are easily put off by the outward appearance of the Family. It is right to hate the evil its
members do, it is wrong to hate the Family. Visibly, it doesn't measure up to our preconceived
notions. It has looked bad at times, beginning with one of the twelve. Jesus looked bad on the
cross. Because the human conductors have occasionally erred in nonessential matters of discipline or science, many people accuse them of
giving us a bunch of arbitrary man-made rules, but they alone have God’s benevolent authority in matters of faith and morals. There is no other certain way of being governed by God. It is a great marvel that he can do it using such
imperfect instruments. We can be sure of doing his will, and our own good, by obeying them. Obedience to the conductors gives great glory
to God.
If you want to see what God’s Family can do for you, look only at those
who have eaten its food and breathed its oxygen. They are living witnesses to the truth. The word of God lives in his people, passed down
from person to person.
Invisibly, the Family is a mystical
communion of all its members, on and off the train, channels to one another of God's overwhelming waterfall of grace. Everything in the Family
treasury belongs to each of us. We are filled with participation in the one mediation of Christ who is the firstborn of many children. As the
Second Vatican Council said: “It has pleased God to save us and to make us holy not merely as individuals but by forming us into a single
people that acknowledges him in truth and serves him in holiness,” our wings. His Family is much more than wonderful human fellowship and the
mutual support of like minded people. We are truly one body in Christ. As in the sacrament of marriage, this invisible unity is both outwardly
signified and brought about by fitting reception of the holy sacrament of the Eucharist. That’s why “pre-marital” Eucharist is not
permitted.
We do not worship God in our way, but in his way. What is distinctive
about this is not what we do, but what is taking place: the one and only sacrifice pleasing to God. Because there is no time with him, the
sacrifice of his Son—everything he did on the train—is always now for the Father. The
Eucharistic sacrifice makes it now for us! Time and place drop out, and we are there,
celebrating his eternal wedding banquet. He chooses to remain physically with us in the tabernacle as our sweet refuge: “Come to me all you
who labor and are heavily burdened and I will refresh you.”
One of the greatest marvels is that the spotless Family of God is made up of sinners. But he has given his conductors the power to forgive sin, in his place. What an invaluable gift
this sacrament of reconciliation is. Through the conductors, not only do we ask for his forgiveness, he then assures us that we are
forgiven. His forgiveness is enfleshed. Even in human relationships, it’s not enough to simply
ask for forgiveness. We need an answer back. “I don't always expect you to be able to overcome your passions,” he assures us, “but I do
expect you to try. Don't you think I prefer someone who has fallen and repented to one full of
pride in his good deeds?”
The Family sacraments are not merely symbolic, like traffic signs that only derive power from the faith of the
believer. That’s a partial truth. The sacraments were instituted by Jesus and he gives them divine power. We have his solemn oath that he
will accomplish spiritually what they signify physically. It is true that nothing happens unless you cooperate with them. If you don’t
speak into a microphone, nothing happens. But if you do, its power magnifies your power. That’s how sacraments work. The same is true of
the Guidebook which is com-penetrated by God. Again, always oneness. Never he alone. Never we alone. He calls us to go through the train
and invite everyone without exception to join his Family, and—by word and by deed—to draw all his wondering children home. It’s not
something you can keep to yourself. I shutter to think what the train would be like without the Family of God.
IN
THE END
There aren’t many things more important than knowing the truth about life. In the end, life is a very short journey.
It only seems long. A journey has two important aspects: time and direction. As a culture, we get all hung up with time, which is
meaningless without direction. Trying to go in many directions at once, we go nowhere, rarely doing well what we are doing. We
over-complicate our lives for the simple reason that our main concern is what we have. Only one
direction matters: our spiritual direction, what we are. That gives meaning to everything else,
allowing us to savor each moment. Jesus tells us: “I give you everything you need in your thoughts.” By following his inspirations we can
indeed make the train a better place to live, like the City, where his will is done.
Now is the time for mercy, then will be the time for justice. Outside the train there is no possible way to get wings. Anyone who
detrains without adequate wings can only receive God's final mercy for those who have refused all his other mercies: the eternal abyss into
which they willingly cast themselves because they can’t endure his infinite goodness and beauty. It’s like a blazing furnace to them.
Non-existence is not an option. Justice and God’s creative act make it impossible. He cannot erase the “thought” of his children whom he loves
even in hell. They at least testify to the goodness of free will.
The greatest torment for those in that horribly depressing abode is the absolute certainty that they are, with perfect justice, exactly what they have freely
chosen to be: empty of God; made for relationship, in eternal self-centeredness. The very breath of hell is hatred. They see with perfect
clarity that even though they didn't choose to exist in the first place, it wasn't unjust to offer them eternal happiness.
It was for these that our blessed mother was so sorrowful. It was for these that Jesus sweat blood on the night of
his passion, begging his Father, if it were possible, to let this terrible cup pass from him!!
In other words, that all might be saved. But salvation—marriage to God—is not possible without free will. We have to say “yes.” Here we
begin to see the compatibility between eternal hell and God’s infinite love for us.
He is infinitely happy because he is love. His love for us is not global. “Each soul is my favorite!” he declares.
“Do you know who you are? You are my reason for tearing myself from the splendors of my Father
to go to all the depths of human shame!” It is impossible to contemplate the Lamb of God pouring out his love on the cross without loving
him! Adam and Eve could only love him as their creator and benefactor; we can love him as our savior, our tender victim, love
unveiled!
Some of the wedding wings I see are stupendous and unbelievably radiant. They belong to those who discovered the
secret of living only for him, taking full advantage of everything the Family has to offer.
Don't imagine that there are many such. [It breaks my heart to say this.] Why do we risk losing
everything by holding onto our attachments? Because we're afraid of the cost. He has already paid for us. We are his, and all that is his
is ours. Because of his compassion, a single act of perfect love is enough to make up for a whole lifetime of sin.
When we leave the train, we won’t be able to enter his presence if our wings are unbalanced or soiled. We will then
be so grateful for that terrible yet joyful place of purifying suffering where everything costs so much more and seems so much longer,
where we can only be relieved by the prayers of others. Sadly, that's how most of us enter the City. Happily, many are bursting forth in
glory. No two alike. Joining the all-joyous ones. How they rejoice at God’s glory in everyone else.
In the end, Christ will return in glory to judge the living and the dead. The train, filled with his glory, will
then enter our eternal home, the Mystical City of God. The Guidebook tells us the city is “the bride that the Lamb has married.” The City
is our immaculate mother whom the Holy Spirit uses to form her children into the Mystical Body of her firstborn Son because the Father
wills to have many children by her. We will need no lamp or the sun, for the Lord God will be our light. He will reunite us with our
glorified bodies and we will celebrate his eternal wedding banquet with unspeakable joy and praise. In his words:
They are all one through the bond of love. Their thought is one, their will is
one, and they all love each other as one. Still (which is a far higher thing) they love me more than themselves or any merits of their own.
Being lifted above self, they are wholly freed from love of self and are entirely set on loving me, in whom they also rest with fullness of
joy. Nothing can turn them back from me, nothing can thrust them down from their glory, for being full
of the eternal truth, they burn with the fire of an unquenchable charity.
(The Imitation of Christ)
And that's the “train” truth.
“In heaven there is only love. And I bring it to the earth. The Evil One sows hatred. There are two camps.
Choose.”
© 2009 Chuck Payne
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